Morley recommends trying not to make the decision impulsively and having a conversation, ideally before things heat up, about what you’re looking for. "If it is hard to resist, mentally prepare yourself and have a conversation about being on the same page about the encounters." "While might seem like a harmless idea in the beginning, as time goes on your ex may find someone else and leave you again," Silva says. Without some base-level communication, having sex with your ex could lead to a lot of unnecessary conflict. Getting on the same page might be the antidote to some of that uncertainty. So if you're going to go into it with feelings, it's going to be complicated,” she says. They are unavoidable part of being human. We're kidding ourselves if we think that having sex with somebody that we had relationship with is not going to bring up feelings. “But if you have feelings and expectations, you really have to think twice about the choice that you're about to make. ![]() “I think there's no real right or wrong when it comes to wanting to have sex with an ex,” she explains. Morley cautions that you also can’t expect your feelings to magically disappear, even when the hook up ends again. ![]() "Chances are that the issues in the relationship that caused the breakup weren’t sexual." "Hoping that sex with your ex will rekindle your relationship is setting you up for false hope," Silva says. It’s especially prudent not to go into it thinking that sex will bring you back together. It could be riskier for your overall emotional well-being to pursue sex with an ex if you’re still pining for them in a major way. "Going back to move forward can sometimes make us see that we've idealized the relationship," she says. Silva agrees, adding that sex with an ex can offer some clarity. As counterintuitive as it may seem, there’s also a sense of novelty, like when you lose a favorite sweater but discover it hiding in the back of your closet - it feels so good to try it on again. That idealization paired with the uncertainty of where things with an ex might lead can make sex with them even more erotically charged, she explains. And something can come from the past, like an ex,” she adds. ![]() “If we don't currently have something that we're happy with that's taking our focus or making us excited about our relationships or our future, we want to find something. “We can be more selective when we look at the past, and exes often fall into that category.”Īnd we might be more inclined to overlook the bad depending on the state of our present social life. “It's easy to look at your past and see only the good parts and romanticize the things that we no longer have,” Dr. You might be more attracted to an ex in the first place because you’re remembering them at their very best. Here are eigh things to keep in mind before you have sex with an ex. "Revisiting the sexual side of the relationship can help resolve some of that past hurt," Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist and relationship coach, tells Bustle.īut that’s not always the case, and if you’re not on the same page as your ex, you might wind up with some fresh wounds. “This research suggests that societal handwringing regarding trying to have sex with an ex may not be warranted," lead author Stephanie Spielmann said in a press release about the study.Īnd there may good reason that exes found comfort in pursuing each other. The data showed that that overall those who slept with an ex didn’t have distressed feelings about it. Participants kept logs of their post-break up experiences, including whether or not they tried to initiate sex with an ex partner. ![]() In fact, a recent set of studies published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior found that having sex with your ex doesn’t actually hinder overall breakup recovery. While it may not be for everyone, there’s no reason to be fatalistic. Some are convinced the sex is better the second time around, while others assert that it only ends in heartbreak. People tend to have a lot of strong feelings about having sex with an ex.
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